Carrying Babies

Carrying Babies

Back Pain Etc

The most difficult thing about carrying and holding babies is that your back starts to ache. After it starts to ache, it starts to hurt, and after it starts to hurt it becomes crazily, unbelievably painful and leaves you a crippled remnant of your former self.


It doesn't make much of a difference whether you carry the baby around in your arms or in an authentic Nez Perce baby board like the one in this picture. You might carry the baby in a cute little sling or in a rugged-looking baby backpack. It won't make any difference either way, except possibly to concentrate the pain in new and innovative configurations. For instance, if you carry the baby by hand you usually have to have all the weight over to one side, with your shoulders raised. This produces a very distinct pain-pattern from the burning neck trauma caused by a baby backpack.

I'm holding a baby as I type this, but my back is okay, because I happen to be sitting down on a couch at the moment. But now the second most difficult thing about carrying and holding babies has decided to manifest. What is that, you ask? It's the heat. It's maybe seventy degrees outside, but with a human furnace attached to my body, it's more like ninety-five in my immediate vicinity. My forehead is slick with sweat and my head is itching. My throat is dry and it has started to hurt, and I just keep getting hotter and hotter. Oh yeah, and my left pinkie has suddenly fallen asleep.


Babies. You gotta love 'em.