How Do You Define Quality Time?

When asked what the number one thing they’d like to have more of in their lives might be, most parents respond, “More quality time with my children.” But what exactly is quality time? I suppose it’s the time that’s not spent yelling at your kids to hurry up in the morning, stop pulling the cat’s tail, or to stop fighting with each other.

Faced with hectic schedules, multiple jobs and school activities, today’s parents—and kids—sometimes have a hard time finding the rare moment to just be together, let alone make that time spent qualify as “quality time.”

The thing is, as long as I’m with my kid, I think it’s quality time. I try to keep work separate from her (for example, her dad is on vacation for a couple of days so I’m going to work while he spends “quality time” with her—and I usually try to work while she is in preschool or asleep so I’m with her otherwise) and unless we’re having an off-day (and who doesn’t have those?) we usually have fun singing, painting, playing games or whatever. To me, that’s all quality time.

But what about the mundane time spent, say, riding in the car, or waiting in line at the grocery store? While some people may not consider this as quality time, I think it very well could qualify. Our kids are learning lots of valuable information during these trips—if we let them!—and we can choose to make it a hassle or some fun.

Then there are parents who share custody. I have heard stories about cramming all kinds of activities and trips into a one- or two-day visit, and I just shake my head. I know that these parents are trying to make their time with their kids meaningful and memorable, but I think they really don’t have to go to that kind of trouble.

My favorite memories as a kid are being read to by both of my parents, building snowmen with my dad, and doing crosswords with my mother and grandmother as I got older. (Before that I would hide under the table and draw on it while they played Scrabble.) Sure, we took trips now and then, but rather than the museums or zoos we went to, my favorite trips were the long visits to relatives where we’d play music in the car, take turns napping, and stop for milkshakes.

The point is that all time with our kids could be considered—or made into, if not—quality time if we just change our perspective a tiny bit. Do you think you spend enough “quality time” with your kids? How do you define it?