Mommy Martyr Syndrome
WANTED-
Hard-working person needed to toss dreams, aspirations, and sense of self out the window in order to provide constant care for needy children. Duties include wiping up repugnant bodily emissions, fostering self-esteem in others, constant cleaning that will be immediately undone, and problem solving that could include but is not limited to infantile bargaining, blackmail, public tantrums, and high decibel wailing. Applicant must own large, unsexy vehicle with too many cup holders and ample trunk space. Must be willing to cut close ties with friends and family and suffer severe marital discord. This position offers no pay, yet candidate is expected to fork out money for countless, overpriced, unnecessary child-related consumer goods. Experience not necessary, but ability to convey resentment and selflessness simultaneously is a must. --Jennifer Worley Author of "The Stay-At-Home Martyr"
I just finished reading an interview with Jennifer Worley on Honest Baby and I have to tell you it's one of the best reads all week concerning the struggles of mommy hood. Most of us don't want to admit our imperfections at parenting. Jennifer not only confronts this but opens eyes to those of us that have lost ourselves in the world of our children. We no longer have an identity other than "mommy..." or "what's for dinner?'' Day in and day out we neglect ourselves and personal needs to make sure that everyone else has their every last need and desire. Jennifer even comments in the article as one of her best "worst" moments as a mommy martyr is wearing her nursing bras for nearly a year after weaning her youngest child followed by "Eww."
Sadly, even I can relate to her martyr woes and I'm almost positive that most other mommies out there can too. We all know that we need to have a life out side of the house and make room for what we need to keep our sanity but not many of us actually follow through. This is where we turn into pros at the ability to convey our "resentment and selflessness simultaneously" with out a hitch.
Every day we know what needs to be done and we are all very meticulous about making sure everything is on the schedule to be completed. Each and every game and practice, the PTA meetings, school fundraising projects, doctor appointments for every one but mommy and then we throw our work right into the middle of it. Everything in it's place and always right on schedule. At the end of the day who has time for themselves? Surely not me.
We strive to be the perfect parents to raise the perfect kids. The fact of the matter is you may be pushing too hard on both you and your kids. Kids learn what they see from us. How many times have you caught yourself saying or remember being told "Do as I say and not as I do?" This is usually after we have caught them in the act of rule breaking and then them using the excuse that we do it. Same rule applies when we don't take time for ourselves or show personal self esteem that is obtained through getting enjoyment out of our hobbies and spending time out with friends and our spouses.
As parents it is inevitable that we lose part of our identity and are molded into new identities. This doesn't mean that we need to drop all of our likes, desires and dreams to accommodate the new. Taking on both and finding a balance between the two is the key to avoiding the mommy martyr syndrome and loving your family more and resenting less.
